Monday, July 12, 2010

What is a 5 letter bad word that begins with S?

S-H-U-N-T!

I am very frustrated and tired. I dislike shunts! I dislike that fact that 2 of my children will forever need a shunt to function in their life. I dislike the fact that, yet again, my daughter is reacting to a shunt tubing. We are getting down to the nitty gritty and I am becoming terrified of what will come if we cannot get a shunt for her that she is not allergic to. She HAS to be shunted. She cannot function without her shunt. She will loose vision also, if not shunted.

I have, as gracefully as possible, watched my child go through a revision, wound infection, shunt track infection, PICC line insertion, home IV antibiotics, PICC removal, too numerous allergic reaction and drug sensitivities to list, severe abdominal pain, allergic reaction to her shunt, meningitis, peritonitis, surgery to externalize her shunt, surgery to remove her shunt,picc line, procedures out the wazoo, surgery to replace her shunt, more doctors, more pain, more narcotics, another surgery to change out tubing, skin testing and now again, severe abdominal pain, shunt track pain, neck pain, light sensitivity, severe head pain....and now either allergic to her tubing or brewing an infection.

Which one is worse at this point in time? Meningitis would make her very sick, for all intents and purposes it could be fatal. However we would only be removing her shunt and then eventually replacing it. If she is allergic to it, mark off ANOTHER shunt tubing type and then we are down to 1 tubing.

Where do we go after that? No one knows. At what point is watching your 8 year old child suffer in pain and take narcotics that she should not even know the name of but call tell you her dosages and times...at what point does SHE stop taking the punches? I know that God has a reason for all of this, but seriously God....I am asking you to please show us the end of this path soon. One that has a marvelous outcome for her. Lindsay is honestly one of the most remarkable little girls that I have ever met. She continues to function even though her pain is over the top. Today she did beg to go to the hospital. And I would not give in. They cannot do anything for her there. I pacified her by emailing Frim. Telling him what is going on and our plan is to do a shunt tap and rule out/in if she has an infection.

I am a bit of a bitch. I am so fed up with people's crap whining about a little fleck of a problem. A problem that they make into a huge ass drama mountain. I just want to take my flip flop off and smack them upside their heads and scream...WAKE THE HELL UP!!!! YOUR CHILD IS HEALTHY!!!! SHUT THE HELL UP! But I do not. I listen to their crap, roll my eyes at things they whine about and go on. I am a firm believer that everyone's issues are big to them. Honestly, I am though I realize that this rant says otherwise....But people just need to STOP for 1 minute, reflect and take time to smell the roses. Appreciate what they HAVE instead of whining about what they DON'T have or what they WANT to have. Appreciate that little person in front of you....One day something can happen and who they are at this moment can be snatched away from you.

My vent is done.

1 comment:

Lynn said...

Just wanted to send you some hugs and you guys are always in our thoughts.

Hugs!!